Geddinna Hole Guy

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He’s known as “Geddinna Hole Guy”. The clown (always male) who yells out at golfing tournaments all over the world. It doesn’t seem to matter whether the likelihood of the ball getting “inna hole” is one per cent or 99 per cent, whether it’s a putt or a 160-metre approach shot. Geddinna Hole Guy likes to be first to bellow it out. I think he believes this endears him to the pro who has just hit the ball.

At the Dell Technologies championship in Norton, Massachusetts, it was patently obvious that Geddinna Hole Guy’s support was not appreciated.

Basque-Spanish golfer Jon Rahm had a huge eagle putt across the green on the par-five 18th. Rahm’s ball, anointed with a “gedinna hole” a split second after the ball strike, stopped at least five metres short and Rahm looked as if he could strangle Geddinna Hole Guy, with or without a golf glove. If not for the anger-management Rahm had received from a retired cop, Rahm may well have done so.

The Fox commentator explained: “The cop had specialised in deactivating terrorist bombs so he knows a thing or two about controlling the mind. Rahm has relied on him to get himself back on track when things go awry.”

From terrorist bombs to golf. Yeah, it’s one tough game. Emmitt Smith was a star NFL footballer with the Dallas Cowboys. He took up golf after he retired and declared: “It’s one of the most challenging sports I’ve ever played. It’s a game that can never be mastered. You can make a birdie on one hole and the very next you can make a triple-bogey and feel like a complete idiot.”

Still, Emmitt’s lowest score so far is a 72 so he’s no slouch. Of course, he has a huge advantage as a natural sportsman. I learnt this lesson years ago at Woodlands when a bloke who joined our group went round in five-over, despite admitting that he hadn’t touched a club in six months.

“I play a lot of cricket,” he explained.

“So, I guess it’s hand-eye co-ordination,” I remarked.

“Yeah,” he said, “it’s a bit like cheating, isn’t it?”


Emmitt Smith: “Golf’s the hardest”. Artwork: Gordon Napier



Jason Bennett (2017): “They can’t run very far in attack if they don’t have the footy.”

Basil Zempilas (2017): “Charlie Dixon coming the other way – this time the younger player had to strip him and he did.”

Brian Taylor (2017): “Nick Haynes looking to drill it to Tomlinson, his father is a dentist.”

Lou Richards (1985): “Any publicity is good for football unless it’s bad.”

Gareth Andrews (1986): “Templeton doesn’t have the legs he used to have.”


Author: Lawrence Money

Lawrence Money has twice been named Victoria’s best newspaper columnist by the Melbourne Press Club. He wrote columns for 37 years on the Melbourne Herald, Sunday Age and daily Age — and in Royalauto and Your Sport magazines — before retiring in 2016 after a 50-year career in journalism.
He still treads the speaking circuit, does radio gigs, tweets on @lozzacash and chases a long-gone 13 golf handicap. He clings to the eternal hope that the Melbourne Demons will once again win a flag.



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