Crushing the fear that never fades

After suffering multiple crashes and concussions Paris Olympic medal favourite Saya Sakakibara tells Editor- at-Large Louise Evans how she found the courage to become the world’s number one BMX racer. 

Conquering her fear is what drives Saya Sakakibara and there’s a lot to be afraid of in her Olympic sport of BMX racing. 

Crashing, concussion and coma are the big three. There’s also the risk of injury, disability and brain trauma every time she launches out of the start gate, down an eight-metre high hill and onto a bumpy 400m track at speeds of up to 60km/h.

There’s no effort without error and the dual World Cup champion and reigning world number one has crashed and been concussed multiple times. The Paris Olympic hopeful has also suffered concussion-induced brain fog and that frightening feeling of being “not right”.

She watched her beloved older brother and former BMX racer Kai crash and lapse into a six-week coma not knowing if he was ever going to wake up. When he did, the extent of his brain trauma was so severe that he had to learn to stand, walk and talk again.

Fear made her quit the sport and the fear of not fulfilling her potential dragged her back again.

The fear, Sakakibara says, “never goes away”.

“When I made the decision that I wasn’t done yet, my purpose was to face my fears and show others that they can do it too,” the 24-year-old Japanese-Australian said. “This is still my purpose. And I would like to share my experience with as many people as possible. A world championship title and an Olympic medal is something I am aiming for and I believe at some point, I will get there.”

BMX racing made its debut as an Olympic sport at the 2008 Beijing Games when Sakakibara was a nine-year kid following the wheels of big brother Kai, who’s three years older.

She grew up on BMX tracks with Kai who was driven from a young age to train and compete. She had her first crash aged four and abandoned her bike for four months before being lured back to ride like Kai. 

As juniors, brother and sister lived and competed in Japan where their parents – Japanese Mum Yuki and English Dad Martin – had relocated.

When their family moved back to Australia, they joined the Southlake Illawarra BMX Club in Sydney and began competing for Australia. 

After graduating from Kirrawee High School in south Sydney Saya became a professional BMX rider and traveled the world on the BMX circuit with Kai – living the dream.

Their world literally came crashing down when Kai suffered a horrifying midrace fall in a World Cup event in Bathurst in 2020. It was touch and go whether he would survive. 

He spent six weeks in a coma and eight months in hospital. “I’ve always looked up to Kai from when we were young. He showed me what hard work means, and showed me what it takes to achieve amazing things. 

“Kai continues to show that through his rehab, practicing his corporate speaking and now pouring whatever energy he has left into (para) rowing. Through this, he has never complained. “Kai just gets on with things. So when I feel like I am ’not having fun’, I remind myself that it’s not always fun – but it doesn’t mean it’s not the right thing to do. And I get on with it.”

While Kai was rehabbing Saya continued competing and qualified for her first Olympics in Japan, her “home” country.

In the semi final she was in the lead when US rival and current world number two Alise Willoughby appeared to clip her bike. Both riders crashed and Saya was stretched off the Olympics course. Her body wasn’t broken but her spirit was. She felt she’d let everyone down, especially Kai.

For three months after Tokyo she suffered prolonged concussion symptoms. She’s already lost her BMX buddy, her travel buddy, her mentor – Kai. She felt alone, vulnerable, sad and fearful of crashing again.

The following year in 2022 she had another crash and another concussion. She suffered headaches, fatigue, confusion. She didn’t feel right. She was not ok. Why was she doing this?

Did she even like BMX? She decided to quit.

After her fifth concussion she rehabbed at the Swiss Concussion Centre in Zürich for about a month and for the first time was able to track her recovery with tangible data that showed encouraging progress. 

Greater mental clarity triggered a rethink. Was she really done with BMX? Was it the right decision? She decided she had to give it another go – for herself. For Saya. She was not going to be defeated by fear. If she was going to fail, she was going to do it showing great courage, boldness and daring. Danger be damned. 

But coming back from the dark side of fear was “a lot of hard work”. Managing her fear meant returning to racing.  

“I did a lot of research, reading books, listening to podcasts, talking to psychologists to find something that worked for me,” she said. 

“When I conquer my fear, it’s an amazing feeling. And I think that’s what drives me. And also, I hate the feeling of backing down from a challenge that I know I am capable of. So it’s a push and pull from both ends.”

The record books show Sakakibara’s comeback in 2023 was triumphant. She became the 2023 World Cup champion following the six-round campaign and returned to the circuit this year to claim back-to-back World Cup titles and cement her world number one ranking.

The only blip was in May 2024 at the world championships in South Carolina when she finished last in the final behind US rival Alise Willoughby.

“I had a great 12 months leading into the worlds this year and I thought with my consistent performance, I will end up with the world championship title,” she said. 

“But coming into the final, I was distracted by my semi final performance and I gave into the doubts that were arising in my mind, thus missing my start and ultimately finishing 8th. 

“I learned that when the stakes are higher, I need to be more refined in my mental process. It was a good wake-up call for the Games. It also highlighted some areas I can improve on physically which I wouldn’t have picked up on, if I had won. So I am grateful for this loss, and I can make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

In absence of Kai, Sakakibara has a few good men in her corner – coach Luke Madill, gym coach Toby Edwards and French boyfriend Romain Mahieu, the reigning world No2 BMX racer, and the 2023 World and World Cup champion.

Mahieu and Sakakibara are preparing for the Paris Olympics at their base in Sarrians in southeast France, about 100km inland from Marseille.

“We have a very relaxed environment at home and we have a lot of fun day to day. Since (coaches) Toby and Luke aren’t with me in France, I rely on Rom when I need feedback with my riding and overcoming mini challenges during my training.”

Fine tuning her Olympic preparation at southern France also makes the transition to Paris and Games time smoother.

“Being in France in the lead up to the Olympics is a big advantage. Firstly, the Olympic track is open for the riders, so I am able to have more time learning and mastering the track. I can spend an extended amount of time in Paris without feeling like I am spending too much time away from ‘home’. 

“Secondly, weeks before the Games the track is closed, so I will go back to my base in the south of France for the final prep. Coming into the week of the Games from the same time zone is an advantage as well.”

Her goal in Paris is to leave knowing she’s given it everything. “In the past 12 months, I have shown myself that if I execute my best performance the results will follow. I want to show my team, my family, friends, sponsors and the rest of the world the best version of myself on a big stage like the Games.”

Her biggest rivals in Paris will be Willoughby, the American three-time world champion, and defending Olympic champion and current UK world number three Beth Shriever. 

But ultimately the biggest rival will be herself – the braveheart who kicked fear to the curb.

“I believe the biggest battle is the one inside my mind – with the Saya who wants to hold me back vs the Saya who wants to go get it.”